How To Stop Breastfeeding - A Mother’s Dilemma

As a mother, it is natural to want to breastfeed your baby until there is no longer a need to do so. Of course, all mothers know that this is the best way to start off the baby’s healthy lifestyle, to help build immunity and facilitate the healthy growth of the baby. But breastfeeding has to give way for normal feeding and diet at some point of time. Unfortunately, not all babies seem to feel that way. This can make stopping breastfeeding frustrating for both the mother and baby.

The most important thing to know is that you should not stop abruptly. The baby will get upset if you suddenly withdraw and that is not good for either the baby or the mother. One way to wean the baby off of the breast is to cut back on the amount of times that you breastfeed in a day. For the rest of the feedings, use a bottle or cup with breast milk. This way the baby will not feel as though they are missing out on anything and it makes the transition easier for both mother and baby.

One of the times that baby looks forward to feeding the most is during the night if they wake up and when it is time for bed. The time for bed should be the last feeding to be stopped. If the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, the father may try to tend to baby until they go back to sleep. This will probably be a long tedious process but patience is a virtue. If Dad is not around, and maybe Grandma or Grandpa can help and they could tend to the baby as well.

Sometimes by the time we decide it is time to stop breastfeeding, the child is old enough to understand what we are telling them. This can be a critical time for the child since this is as much a physical comfort factor as emotional for them. The mother simply has to explain that the only time for breastfeeding is at night when it is time to go to bed and later none at all. As you wean away, it is important to give more physical attention so that the child does not feel as though they are lacking in your attention.

This is also a time that the mother will need to take care of her breasts. It can be painful when she stops breastfeeding because of the feeling of being to full. Weaning off gradually will help handle the feeling of being full and feeling pain as well. The supply and demand rule applies here as well. The less milk you use, the less the body will produce. Some people recommend using cabbage leaves on the breasts to relieve the pain from swelling breasts. Simply place them over the breast and leave on for 20 minutes or so. This can be done up to 2 times a day. Eventually both the mother and baby will get through the weaning period and everything will go back to normal.


Written by Asma Ashfaq

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How to Find Child Care

One of the most difficult tasks as a parent is finding good child care. It takes time and a little patience, but some ideas on approaching this task can help make it an easier transition for you.

The most popular method of finding child care is word of mouth. Ask your friends, siblings or other moms in a playgroup if they know of any good child care services. Don’t be afraid to approach someone who is obviously a babysitter or nanny at the park. She’ll likely have some ideas of where to look.

Also, ask your child’s teacher or other teachers at the school. Maybe another parent at the next PTO meeting knows of one or two places to check out. Chances are very good that these adults are parents themselves, some with children already a part of a child care program.

Another way to find child care is to check with the company you work for. Most businesses provide free childcare, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask if there might be one available. If the business you work for is small, find out if they sponsor a childcare provider or if anyone at your work can recommend one. Here again, word of mouth can be immensely helpful.

A third way to find child care is to check with your church, synagogue or temple. See if any of the members or clergy are aware of anyone willing to provide child care, or if there is a child care service provided by your place of worship.

The next time you get a local newspaper, browse the ads to see if anyone is advertising their babysitting or child care services. Be sure to go through their references like a hawk and ask them about their experiences. It’s a good idea to find someone who has certification in First Aid and CPR. See if you can observe the environment and have your child or children meet with them before making a decision.

Besides the newspaper, the phone book is another good source to help you find child care. Check out several of the businesses you find in there and see if you can arrange for a tour of the location. Check your state’s web site to find their star rating and if any complaints have been filed against them.

Your county’s social services office would be able to assist you in finding adequate child care, as well. They can provide you with a list of licensed daycare providers.

Finally, try advertising your need for child care at a public bulletin board or on the ‘Net. There could be a high school or local college student hoping to make some extra money who will see your ad and give you a call.

Whatever method you use to find child care, don’t rush into making your choice. Using the above ideas to help you find child care will help make this job easier and things less stressful for both you and your child.


Written by Dawn Colclasure

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How to Tell if Your Child is Colorblind

Colorblindness is a fairly common problem that can begin in early childhood. You may be wondering how to tell if your child is colorblind. What are the symptoms of the condition? Since the symptoms may be so unclear that even adults have a hard time knowing whether or not they are colorblind, it seems a lot more challenging to diagnose children with colorblindness. However, there are a number of different signs which may indicate that your child is colorblind. Here are a few to look out for:

Risk Factors

Some children tend to be at greater risk of developing colorblindness than others due to hereditary genes. It is much more common for boys to be diagnosed as colorblind. In fact, research shows that one out of every ten boys will be affected by colorblindness. Although girls can also be colorblind, the genetic trait is more commonly passed to boys.

Difficulty with Colors

The main way to tell if your child is colorblind is to notice how easy it is for him to identify colors. Many parents are able to tell as early as kindergarten whether or not their child is colorblind. When it comes time to learn colors, your child is likely to struggle much more than other children. If your child seems to be a bit hesitant, this may be a sign that he is unable to differentiate between certain shades. Colorblind people generally have a hard time telling red from green. This relates to colors that are similar as well. For example, a colorblind child may not be able to tell purple from red, or blue from green.

Artwork and Clothing

One of the easiest ways to tell if your child is colorblind is to pay close attention to their artwork and clothing. Children who are colorblind may have a hard time picking out an outfit that matches. It is also likely that certain objects in their artwork, such as suns or ladybugs, may be given colors that are the complete opposite of what they should be. Paying attention to minor details involving color is one of the best ways to tell if your child is colorblind.

Visit the Eye Doctor

Many parents are under the assumption that all eye exams performed by schools and eye doctors consist of a colorblindness test. Color blindness tests are not standard procedures, however. While there are color blindness tests available online, it is important to keep in mind that they are not nearly as effective as a professional examination. If you suspect that your child is colorblind, the only way to find out for sure is to request a test for colorblindness from the doctor.

If your child has been diagnosed as colorblind, it’s best to avoid panicking. At the moment, there is not a known cure for colorblindness. For many people, the levels of colorblindness are also so insignificant that it does not have a major impact on their lives. Diagnosing the problem early will help prevent any confusion for your child in the future, however.


Written by Jody Morse

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Natural Sleep Aids for Children

Many parents struggle to get their children to sleep at night. Tons of sleep medications and drugs promise to be the best solution to this problem, but natural remedies can help children who are coping with insomnia.

First, get to the root of the problem. Why is your child having trouble sleeping? Ongoing nightmares, fear of the dark, loneliness, peer pressure and school stress can really disrupt your child’s sleep. Try addressing these concerns with your child first.

Next, change the bedtime routine. Turn off the TV and computer a few hours before bedtime. Dim the lights, create a relaxing environment and unwind. Wear comfortable pajamas. Read a book or tell a bedtime story. Cuddle together. Keep the environment as calm and stress-free as possible.

Take note of your child’s dietary habits. No matter what anybody tells you, caffeine in the afternoon will definitely keep your child awake at night. Don’t allow your child to drink sodas, coffee and tea 6 hours before bedtime. Ban sugary foods at night. If your child eats a big meal too close to bedtime, she might have a hard time falling asleep. Make sure dinner is at least 2 hours before bedtime so that your child’s body can digest the food properly while awake and rest later.

Finally, try playing soothing music. Some children just won’t go to sleep without being lulled by a favorite lullaby or soft, relaxing music played on low. If the child is young, try rocking him and softly singing.

If the above strategies don’t work after a few days, then try natural sleep aids. Before you implement any herbal remedies into your child’s diet, however, make sure you discuss your plans with the child’s doctor and consult with a certified herbalist to ensure you are administering the herb correctly for your child’s age and weight. This advice is strongly recommended no matter which herbal tea or capsule you provide to your child.

One way of using natural sleep remedies for children is by using aromatherapy. Scented pillows, incense, candles and scented soaps do wonders for helping children to feel more calm and liable to sleep. The scents that work best in soothing anxiety and inducing sleepiness are lavender, sage and chamomile.

Another way to use natural sleep remedies for children is with an herbal tea. The herbal teas of choice are chamomile, passion flower, and valerian. Melatonin has been promoted as a sleep remedy, yet some caution is advised. Melatonin pills have negative side effects, such as nausea, vomiting and irritability. Melatonin in milk is safer to use, so a glass of warm or cold milk can do the trick. Lactose-free, soy, almond and goat milk will also provide the same melatonin benefits. You can also flavor your milk with cinnamon and/or honey.

Use these natural and practical sleep aids if your child is unable to sleep at night. Go with the method that works best for the child and soon your child will be nodding off to dreamland.

Written by Dawn Colclasure

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On the road to literacy: learning to write

Parents wait for that wonderful day when their child learns to read. But reading words is only part of early literacy - writing is important to literacy, too. And, no matter what your child’s age, he is learning to write.

My baby can’t even hold a pencil
Long before a child can pick up a pencil, the stage is set for the development of writing. When your baby uses her index finger and thumb to grasp objects it is called the pincer grasp. This skill forms the basis for holding a pencil in a mature writing position.

Being able to control a pencil depends on stability of the shoulder and arm, and strength and dexterity of the hand and fingers. Babyhood is one of the few times in life when a child bears her weight on her arms and shoulders to strengthen them. A baby bears weight on her hands when she is on her tummy and pushes up to raise her head or chest off the surface. Crawling is a major source of weight bearing for babies in the last half of their first year. Be sure to give your baby lots of tummy time to build strong back, shoulders and arms for crawling and writing.

Vision also plays an important role in writing. Children have to use their hands and eyes together to coordinate the movement of the pencil. When babies gaze and focus on their parents’ faces or accurately reach for and grasp objects, they are practicing eye-hand coordination.

Toddlers are scribblers
Toddlers are driven by their curiosity to explore with their hands and eyes. Let your toddler play with materials of different textures and consistencies, such as shaving cream or play dough, to provide stimulation for fine motor development. Unscrewing lids or turning doorknobs helps your toddler’s wrist become strong yet flexible. Supply lots of paper and a variety of writing tools to encourage your child to scribble often. Drawing with a child helps him associate writing with comfort and enjoyment as he moves into writing in the preschool years.

Preschoolers are writers
Your child will probably show an interest in writing by using it in her pretend play, such as scribbling a “shopping list” while playing store. When they do this, preschoolers demonstrate an understanding that spoken language can be written down and that it must be read in the same way every time. They know that the symbols of writing have meaning and they begin to reproduce those that have the most meaning to them! Your child will probably begin by writing the letters of her name or M-O-M and D-A-D.

As children begin to write, they creatively use space on the page, sometimes moving their writing from right to left or slanting it up the page. After much experimentation and experience, children gain the awareness and control to place letters on a line and write from left to right. Your child will begin to have more control over writing tools when she starts to use a mature grip, called a tripod grip, to hold them. This is a good sign she’s ready to learn to write and read in school.

Encourage your preschooler’s writing by giving her old calendars, notebooks, or address books to write in. She will enjoy imitating you. Point out letters you see while running errands, especially letters that are in her name. Sit with her and let her enjoy the process of learning to write without pressure to make the letters right. That will come with time.

Steps in learning to write:

• Experiments with writing tools by scribbling
• Scribbles left to right
• Understands the difference between drawing and writing
• Makes letter-like forms and perhaps some letters
• Writes letters all over the page
• Strings letters together to represent writing
• Groups letters separated by spaces to imitate words
• Copies a letter by looking at a model
• Writes a first word, usually his name

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Helping your child deal with death and loss

When your family experiences a serious loss, you naturally wonder how to help your young child through such a difficult time. For children, loss can take many forms, from death of a close family member, to the death of a pet, to an out-of-town move by a favorite friend or relative or even your own family. Whatever the source of loss, your child needs your help to understand the feelings of confusion and grief she may experience.

When someone your child loves dies
Death is a permanent separation from a loved one, and young children have little experience with anything that is permanent. Even infants reflect their parents’ emotional state, so it is probable that your baby will feel the difference in your household. She may be fussier than usual, or want to be held by you most of the time. Try to satisfy your baby’s need for comfort as much as possible. Keep routines and surroundings consistent, so there will be familiar cues to reassure your child. Even if you think she doesn’t understand, talk to her about what is going on.

An older toddler or preschooler will experience the death of a loved one more directly. She may ask a lot of questions. Always be honest with your child and be careful to answer what she has asked without overwhelming her with information. You may think you are protecting your child by not telling her about the illness or death of a loved one. Your child will notice that adults are acting differently, and will feel less secure if events are hidden. Talk to your child in simple terms that she can understand, but keep her posted on what is happening. Be aware that her sense of loss may be delayed, as she may not be able to anticipate the future without the person who has died.

Children grieve differently than adults. They may be sad, then begin playing normally, followed by another period of sadness or quiet reflection. Allow your child to talk about her feelings when she brings them up. Share your own feelings, but avoid assuming your child is feeling the same way you do. Don’t try to get your child to reveal private thoughts, but be a good listener and set aside time to engage in quiet conversation over the course of several months.

Remember that young children can be very attached to pets and even to special toys or stuffed animals. Honor their feelings of grief even if the loss does not seem great to you.
When someone moves away
Your child may experience the same grief process during the course of a move. If it is your family that is moving, your child has the added loss of familiar surroundings as well as familiar people for whom she cares. Keep as many things consistent in her life as possible. Moving time is not the time to make big changes like potty training or weaning. Try to set your child’s room up in the same way, at least for awhile, and make sure that security objects and favorite toys aren’t packed away. Eating at a familiar fast food chain can reassure your child that this new place may be okay after all.

Memories are important no matter how a loss occurs. If a friend or relative has moved, do as much as possible to keep in touch. A photograph album with pictures of her old house, neighborhood, and friends can ease a child’s transition to a new home. Photos sent by a friend who has moved can reassure your child that her friend still exists and still remembers her. Talking about a loved one who has died, looking at photos, or keeping special items that remind the child of the person provide important ways for your child to work through her grief.

Your love and care helps your child deal with loss
Nothing is as important to your child as your loving care. It can be stressful to deal with a young child when you are grieving or under duress. Take care of yourself and get the help you need in order to be there for your child. Together you can find the comfort to ease your shared sense of loss.

Talking about illness and death with your child

• Recognize that children grieve differently than adults. They grieve in “spurts,” interspersing times of sadness with normal play.
• A child should be prepared for loss when possible. When a death or serious illness occurs, a child should be told as soon as possible, with parents providing support.
• Talk with children honestly, openly, and use words they understand. Children are very literal; using words like “asleep” or “resting” are confusing and may make the child afraid of sleep. Explain the illness or cause of death, if known.
• Give a child a chance to share how s/he is feeling. Be non-judgmental. Take the time to talk when your child expresses feelings.
• Offer the opportunity for children to attend the funeral, memorial service or visitation and honor that decision. Explain what will happen at the service.
• Children usually have three questions for which they need assurance: Did I cause this to happen? Will this happen to me? Who will care for me now?

Provided by Stepping Stones, a support program for grieving children and adolescents sponsored by BJC Health Systems in St. Louis, Mo.

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When being apart is necessary: helping children cope with separation

Parents usually want to stay close to their children. But sometimes separations become necessary in the lives of young children. Separations can occur because of business travel, extended family emergencies, military service, hospitalization, incarceration, or vacation travel. When separations are necessary, there is much you can do to reassure your child and stay connected.

Make a good plan
You are more likely to reassure your child if you are confident that you have left him in good care. Leave doctors’ and dentists’ phone numbers, medical records such as immunization and prescriptions, and a letter giving your child’s caregiver permission to make medical decisions in your absence. If possible, provide a way that you can be reached in an emergency. When you make the best plan you can, it will take a big load off your mind as you face separating from your child.

Understand your child’s age and temperament
You know your child best. Infants and very young toddlers will miss you, but will feel secure if their environment is calm and their routine remains the same. Be sure to tell your caregiver the kind of things your baby finds soothing. Older children will have a greater awareness that you are gone. Prepare your child for your absence by telling her that you are going away and explain that someone will always take care of her and who that will be. Tell your child you will think about her while you are gone and talk about the things your child will do during the separation.

Leave “lovies”
Leave some mementos behind by placing pictures of you and your child in a small photo album or zip-lock bag book. Record your voice by singing a favorite lull-a-bye or read a book to your child. For older children mark time apart in a concrete way by making a paper chain with a link for each day. Have the child tear off a link everyday so that he can see the time -- and the chain -- getting shorter. Make a book with pictures of where you are going or find the location on the map together. Leave cards or little gifts to celebrate holidays or birthdays if you will be gone during those times.

Stay in touch
Send post cards, letters, or pictures to your child. Write a letter or a story and send it by email to their care giver. Call if possible, but have your child’s care giver let you know if phone calls upset your child. Stay positive when you talk to your child and let her know you miss her, but that you are fine and she is well cared for. Focus on what she has been doing, rather than on your absence.

Six strategies for coping with extended separations Parent-child separations are a fact of life, but children need to be prepared if the separation will be long term. These strategies can make the process easier:

* Have the child mark the time apart by making an “X” on a calendar each day until the date of your return.
* Leave a recording of yourself reading a favorite bedtime story. This helps children recall your special time together.
* Remember important events that will occur during your time apart, such as a birthday, and leave a card or gift for your child to open on that day.
* Stay in touch as much as possible. Make sure your child understands that you are not “deserting” her and that you love and miss her.
* Show your child where you’ll be by finding the location together on a map or by sharing photos of where you’re going.
* Leave behind a special object that the child can keep as a memento.

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Beautiful pictures: how you see your child

Take a minute to picture your child in your mind’s eye. What do you see? Is your image that of a sweet- smelling, fresh-from-the-bath infant sleeping peacefully? Or perhaps you see your child as fussy and difficult to deal with? Attitudes about children in general, recent experiences with the child, or the success parents feel in their parenting role all contribute to the way parents perceive their little ones. The image you have of your child can influence the way you parent her.

Look through a wide-angle lens. When you look for the reasons behind your child’s behavior it is like viewing a scene through a wide-angle lens. Your child’s behavior is his way of communicating with others. When you understand why he is behaving in a certain way, you realize what your child is trying to communicate. For example, your image of a whining child changes if you suspect that he has an ear infection that causes him pain. When you look for the reason behind your child’s behavior, you may see him as needing your help rather than correction for misbehavior. Gain the benefits of viewing your child’s behavior through the wide-angle lens of understanding.

Compose the picture. Just as a photographer assembles different items and scenery to compose a beautiful photo, there are many things you need to “put together” to get a complete picture of your child. Here are some things you can do to understand your child’s behavior.

* Learn about child development.
Young children change quickly as they grow and develop. When you learn about child development, you can have realistic expectations for your child’s behavior as she enters new stages. For example, knowing that most 2-year olds find it difficult to share helps you see your child’s reluctance to share a favorite toy in a new light.

* Think about your child’s environment.
Being hungry or tired makes it harder for young children to control their behavior. Some types of entertainment or hectic schedules can be over-stimulating for your child. Looking closely at your child’s routine and surroundings may give you clues to the reason for his behavior.

* Look for patterns in your child’s behavior.
When your child does something that puzzles or upsets you, try to remember what happened just before the incident occurred and what happened as a result of the behavior. You may soon be able to recognize patterns in your child’s behavior.

* Know your child’s temperament.
Temperament is a combination of behavior characteristics that is present at birth. For instance, some people are more active than others, some adapt easily to change and for others change is difficult. Knowing your child’s unique personal style helps you understand her behavior.

Change the view. As parents, we constantly need to reassess how we see our children. When you have a positive image of your child, she is more likely to behave positively. To help your child reach her potential, you may have to change the way you see her. Together you can make beautiful pictures for a lifetime.

Old time rhymes
Nursery rhymes have been around for generations and for good reasons. Rhyming words attract babies’ attention and help them recognize sounds that are similar. The humorous content of nursery rhymes helps older children’s comprehension. And nursery rhymes are just plain fun for children and parents alike! Here are some ways to enjoy nursery rhymes with your child.

With babies: Pick one or two rhymes to croon to your baby before bedtime. She will like to hear the same rhyme over and over and will begin to associate it with being sleepy. This will help her go to sleep.

With crawlers: These little ones are on the move! Hold their hands and clap to the beat of a nursery rhyme, or grasp those little legs and guide them in a bicycling motion! Movement makes muscles strong.

With toddlers: One-year-olds are developing language rapidly. Put lots of inflection in your voice as you say nursery rhymes to children this age. Use a funny voice; draw out the words that rhyme to emphasize them.

With two-year olds: Look for picture books that illustrate classic rhymes. Read these to your child and let him look at the pictures. When he is familiar with the rhyme, pause before saying the rhyming words to let him think, and later to supply the word.

With young preschoolers: These children are nursery rhyme pros! Encourage them to learn rhymes by heart by saying part of a line and letting them finish it from memory. But don’t push your child to perform in front of company. That’s overwhelming for some children. You will know when you have a little ham that loves performing!

With older preschoolers: Leave out a word of a rhyme and let your child think of funny alternatives. For example, you say, “Bah, bah, black sheep, have you any ________? Your child supplies, “Bubble gum!” or something equally silly. Finish the rhyme with lots of laughter, and expect this game to go on for a long time!

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On the road to reading

If you have a very young child, you may not be thinking about the day when she will read her first book to you. And yet, children begin on the road to reading very early in life. Here are some signs that show your child has already begun the great adventure of learning to read.

Baby steps
Even your newborn is gaining skills that will prepare him to learn to read. You have noticed how intently your child stares at light and dark patterns with high contrast. Good vision is necessary for distinguishing dark letters on light paper. By looking around and staring at interesting things, your baby is completing the connections in the vision centers of the brain necessary for good visual discrimination.

Learning language is an important milestone on the road to reading. When your baby looks intently into your eyes, she is learning the art of communication. As she babbles and learns first words, she is experimenting with sounds of letters. By six months of age, the auditory circuits in your child’s brain will be tuned to the sounds of her native language to the exclusion of speech sounds from other languages.

Reading to your baby, even when he is very young, is vital. Researchers say that a child must have thousands of experiences with print and listening to words read before they are ready to read themselves. If your older baby grabs his book and tries to put it in his mouth, he is not being disrespectful; he is just getting to know it and showing how interested he is.

Toddling along
When your baby begins walking on her own, she may find it harder to sit still and look at a book with you. Don’t be discouraged! Sit on the floor and read while your child plays near you. She will stop by frequently to look at pictures or listen. Your child will also learn how to handle a book during this time, holding books right side up and turning pages. As your child gets closer to age 2, she will become very interested in looking at the pictures, possibly pointing and naming familiar objects.

Ages 1 and 2 are important time for language development. First your child will begin understanding more of what he hears, then he will begin to say words himself. By 2 years of age, he will combine words into short sentences. Learning to read has a similar sequence. First your child will listen and understand what you read to him and then will begin to read words himself. This is an important age to say nursery rhymes and sing songs to your child. Hearing rhyming words teaches your child to tell the difference between sounds, a skill he’ll need when learning to read.

Racing to school
When your child turns 3, it seems as if school is just around the corner. Many parents worry that their child needs to learn letters and numbers in order to be ready for formal reading instruction. But there are many other things that pave the road to reading during the preschool years. Children become good at pretending, a sign that they can let an object, symbol or idea stand for something else. This is an important intellectual development, as your child will need to understand that a letter represents a particular sound before she can read words.

Vocabulary increases dramatically during the preschool years as children have a wider range of experiences. Children must be able to say words in order to read them. Rhyming continues to help your child learn sounds. And preschoolers like to play with words – the sillier the conversation gets the better! Experimenting with sounds is a fun way to progress toward reading.

Your preschooler will probably be curious about letters and words. She may learn to recognize her name when she sees it written. Because she recognizes that letters grouped into words mean something, she will ask you what print says when she sees it. Your child may surprise you by “reading” familiar signs or the names of favorite products. She will be very eager to use paper and pencil, and will distinguish between her drawing and her writing, although they may look very similar to you! She may even learn to write some letters that are important to her, such as her name.

On the road
The road to reading is smooth for most children, but can be rocky for some. Unlike learning to talk, children are not born with the instinct to read. Reading must be intentionally learned. As your child’s first and most influential teacher, you can provide him with a good start on the road to reading.

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Reading together to build early literacy

Did you know that you can help your child get ready to read even while he is very young? When an infant shows excitement over pictures next to his crib, or a toddler turns the pages of a board book, or a preschooler recognizes the first letter of his name on a cereal box, each is demonstrating emerging literacy skills. Reading to your child from birth is the best way to make him a successful reader when he starts school.

Early stages
Developing language is the first step in learning to read, and it occurs very early in life. When you read to your child from the time she is born, you provide a rich language environment for her. Your child hears words that may not occur in the normal course of a day, increasing her exposure to a wide variety of speech sounds. When you cradle your baby and read with inflection in your voice, your child learns to associate reading with love, comfort and pleasure—the beginning of a positive attitude which provides motivation for learning to read.

Toddler years
Toddlers have the reputation for being on the go, and you may be discouraged in your attempts to read to your child during this stage of development. But toddlers learn important things from reading—they just learn them standing up! Children this age like books that have photographs of objects and text that names the pictures. Nursery rhymes and books with rhyming text are important because rhyming promotes the awareness of letter sounds, which is necessary for reading. Toddlerhood is the time to learn how to handle a book, such as holding the book right side up and turning paper pages.

Preschool
As children enter the preschool years, they develop an appreciation of the plot and characters of a story. Exposure to quality picture books increases your child’s enjoyment of reading and engages his imagination. More complex stories build your child’s comprehension skills and provide a knowledge base from which he can understand concepts and new ideas. Skills such as identifying the title of a book, tracing text with a finger while it is read, talking about pictures, and speculating about where the plot is going are setting the stage for learning to read in the early years of school. Literacy also develops when your child sees printed words in his environment, such as signs, lists, menus or labels. When you read this “environmental print” to your child, you show him that reading is important in every day life.

Read to your child each day, no matter how young she is. You will be giving her just the right experiences she needs to become a good reader in the future!

Experts say…
Reading experts Susan Hall and Louise Moats sum up the benefits of reading aloud to your child in the early years. Your child:

* develops background knowledge for more complicated learning
* builds vocabulary
* is exposed to rich language patterns
* learns the structure of a story
* learns how to handle books and becomes familiar with reading
* identifies reading as a pleasurable activity

Want to read more about the importance of reading to your child? Look for these resources:

* Straight Talk About Reading by S. Hall and L. Moats
* Helping Your Child Become a Reader by U. S. Department of Education Office of Intergovernmental Affairs

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Helping your child learn self-regulation through play

Play is so important for your child’s development. You already know your child gains intellectual skills as he figures out solutions to problems when he plays, but playing can also help your child learn skills such as focusing his attention on a task or sitting still while he plays. This is called self-regulation and it is an important skill for your child to have by the time he enters school.

Self-regulation is important in school readiness Self-regulation is a term that refers to the child’s ability to focus his attention and control his behavior. He must understand what is asked of him in a given situation, monitor his own behavior to see if it matches, and maintain or change what he is doing based on his evaluation. Teachers know the importance of self-regulation. A child who is self-regulated can stay in his seat and focus on the task at hand. He can pay attention to the teacher when she is talking or reading out loud without being unduly distracted. And the self-regulated child can make productive use of time when the teacher is busy with other students; he does not require the teacher’s constant attention to learn.

Developing self-regulation begins at birth. As you watch your baby imitate your sounds, or learn to put himself to sleep, you are watching him build the self-regulation that will help him learn in school. Think about your baby as he learns to reach out and grasp a rattle held in front of him. He has to focus on the toy and control his arm and hand to connect with it. It takes a lot of work and concentration, but your child’s desire to play encourages his effort.

Parents can help
You play an essential role in helping your child develop self-regulation. First and foremost, the close relationship you build with your child helps him to regulate his emotions and his actions. We call this early relationship attachment, and it develops because your baby learns to trust you to fulfill his needs. He can rely on your consistent care and attention, so he learns to quiet and control himself.

Playtime is an excellent opportunity to build your relationship with your child and help him regulate his own behavior. Play is fun for everyone, and when you give your attention to your child and share an enjoyable activity, you strengthen the bond between you. Your child has an innate desire to play, so he is motivated to focus his attention and keep up positive behaviors that allow the play to continue. Here are just two ways you help your child develop self-regulation when you join him in play:

Model language for your child to use. If your child does not use many words yet, your description of what he is doing helps him connect his actions to words. Soon he will be talking and may use “self-talk” to help control his behavior. Self-talk is private speech in which the child “reminds” himself what to do. As your child’s language and emotional development progresses, you will encourage him to use his words to express feelings instead of acting on them. Playtime is a great opportunity to practice using words instead of actions before the situation becomes out of control.

Be a consultant to your child as he plays. As children begin to pretend, they have very simple scripts. Picking up a brush and pretending to brush his hair is a toddler’s idea of pretending. But if you join in the play, you might show him how to brush his teddy bear. If your child is older, you may extend his play by suggesting new roles or new uses for play materials. When your child plays a role, he conforms his behavior to it, and that increases his self-regulation skills.

Self-regulation is also promoted when your child follows the rules of a make believe scenario. Preschoolers will often make up elaborate rules for you when you play with them, such as “Now you are the daddy and you have to go to work but you have to kiss the baby first.” Remember, your child should be in control of the play, and your job is to offer suggestions and follow his lead.

Playing board games or playground games gives you many opportunities to help your child develop self-regulation. In the beginning, keep game rules simple even if you have to modify them to fit your child’s self-regulatory skills. Be patient as you model following the rules for your child, and expect him to want to change the rules in his favor!

With you as a play partner your child will learn the self-control and attention to task he will need later on. Play with your child daily, and watch his self-regulation grow!

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Quick Tips for Parents

• No matter how old your children are, know where they are, whom they are with, and what they are doing. This helps prevent problems and shows your kids that you care about them.
  
• Never use spanking or other forms of physical punishment with your child. An occasional swat on the rear end is okay as an attention-getter, but it should never be the punishment.
  
• You can criticize a child’s behavior, but never criticize the child.
  
• Never verbally put down your child. There’s a difference between correcting your child and attacking your child.
  
• Be a “5-to-1” parent. Every time you give your child a consequence for misbehavior, provide five opportunities for him or her to earn your praise or a reward.
  

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Bad Friendships

At one time or another, most teens find themselves in a bad friendship. Maybe the actions or words of a so-called friend make your teen uncomfortable or embarrassed. If you’re concerned your child may get involved in a bad relationship, share with him or her some of the warning signs.

Here are things your teen should watch out for:

* You can’t be yourself without getting criticism from your “friend.”
* Your “friend” doesn’t give you any space.
* Your “friend” is pushy, wanting everything his or her own way.
* Your “friend” is overly critical of you and others.
* Your “friend” is jealous of you and other friends.
* Your “friend” may lie to you, teachers or parents.
* You feel that your “friend” directs “put-downs” toward you and others.
* Your “friend” does not treat you as an equal.

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The Bully, The “Bullied” and The Bystander

Wherever there are children, there are bullies. In your neighborhood. In your school. Maybe in your own home.

Bullies use fear to get away with unacceptable behavior. Their victims (the “bullied”) fear continued abuse if they tell. Bystanders fear becoming the next victim. The “bullied” suffer in silence while repeatedly getting harassed. Bystanders stay silent to avoid the unwanted attention. It’s a vicious, unending cycle.

Studies on bullying show that younger and weaker youth are victimized most often. In addition, the bully-victim relationship tends to continue unless there is some sort of intervention from parents or other adults.

Bullies come in all sizes, ages and genders. The tactics they use vary widely. Some get physical. Others play on emotion. Boys often use force (punching, kicking, tripping, etc.). Girls often rely on subtle actions (gossip, manipulation, exclusion, etc.). Other characteristics include:

* Bullies are impulsive
* Bullies have little, if any, empathy
* Bullies do not suffer from low self-esteem
* Bullies need to control and dominate others
* Bullies have a positive attitude toward aggression
* Bullies have more physical or emotional power than their victims
* Bullies have a strong desire to get or achieve something they feel they need


The Victim

Bullies like to pick on those who can’t or won’t stick up for themselves. Unfortunately, many victims lack the social skills and social networks that can keep them from being victimized. As a parent, you can help bully-proof your child by doing the following:

* Teach Your Teen To Be A Friend

There is strength in numbers. Encourage your teen to develop friendships. If he or she has a special interest – sports or music – find programs that your teen can participate in. The more social interactions he or she has, the more friendships that can develop. Your teen will also become better skilled at dealing with a variety of personalities and handling different social interactions.

* Build Your Teen’s Social Skills

Humor can be a powerful weapon for disarming a bully. The ability to laugh at oneself first, rather than laughing at someone else’s expense, is a skill everyone needs. Teach your teen friendship skills, including getting along with others and showing appreciation. The bottom line for your teen: He or she has to act like a friend to have a friend.

* Teach Your Teen Self-Respect

Kids who can hold their heads high and walk with confidence are less likely to be singled out. Some victims actually believe they deserve to be attacked because of a self-perceived flaw in how they look, the way they talk, how they dress or any number of reasons. They start acting like victims. They become withdrawn. They slouch and avoid eye contact.

You need to remind your teen of his or her strengths. Encourage your teen to use positive self-talk during difficult moments. Help him or her see challenges as opportunities.


The Bystander

It can be very hard for a teen to take a stand and defend someone who is being bullied, especially if the victim is considered to be a “loser” or “weird.” Has your teen ever described a bullying situation, and have you ever asked what he or she did to stop it?

Some bystanders are too afraid to get involved. They don’t want to be a target. Some experience feelings of guilt because they did nothing. If a victim is a friend or classmate, some bystanders choose to disassociate themselves from the victim. Others blame the victim.

As a parent, it’s important to teach and reinforce virtues such as caring and respect. Here are things you can do to instill these values in your teen:

* Model respect and kindness at home. If you and your spouse are considerate and compassionate to each other and your family, your child will likely treat others the same way.

* Show respect for those in authority, including teachers and police officers.

* Have positive expectations for your child’s behavior. Praise your child’s acts of kindness and discipline him or her for bad behavior.

* Encourage your teen to volunteer in the community. This will give your teen a sense of obligation to others.

Bullying is a difficult problem that only gets worse when it’s ignored. Victims and bystanders can’t be expected to resolve the issue all on their own. Talk to school administrators to find out how they are dealing with the problem. If necessary, you or a representative from the school should contact the parents of bullies and make them aware of their children’s behavior.

Pretending the problem doesn’t exist won’t make it go away. Everyone must correct the behavior when it happens and be proactive in trying to prevent bullying.

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Cyber Bullying Help, Tips and Advice

By: Laura Buddenberg and Kathy McGee
Boys Town Training, Evaluation and Certification

April: god it sounds like sam had more fun with you then he ever does with me.

Brittany: now that isn’t true!!!

April: he is gonna cheat…so I will have nothing to live for anymore… so im gonna just plan on killin myself sometime soon. I wish you weren’t gonna let him cheat Brittany, its not fair to me…but I guess if you want to let him that’s fine…ill just start planning on how its gonna end for me…i’m not good enuf 4 him

Brittany: u r good enuf 4 him!

April: he hates me, you hate me, and im going to kill myself and if you send this convo to him in an email like you did the last one…im going to kill myself right now


Dialogue from an adult daytime drama? Scene from a teen slasher movie? No, it’s a real instant messaging (IM) conversation between two teen girls who HAVE NEVER EVEN MET IN PERSON! This same type of cyber bullying is happening all over the Internet, on email and on personal Web pages, like MySpace, Xanga, Facebook and YouTube.

Wake up, Mom and Dad. Kids everywhere use the Internet and it’s not just a benign modern distraction. The Web is being used as a blunt weapon of relational aggression and mass destruction. Sure, some kids use it to find out about Friday’s math homework or what time everyone’s meeting at the mall. But youngsters often wield the Internet for much more sinister purposes. It is tailor made for aggression. Kids are drawn to its power for spreading gossip quickly, anonymously and to an infinite audience.

The Internet is like the old child’s game “telephone,” only on steroids. Misunderstandings proliferate. Words can hurt. The Internet inflames that harm.

It starts with online anonymity. You can pretend to be someone else. You can listen to others’ conversations behind their backs. You can get caught up in the moment. Because you aren’t face-to-face and there’s no immediate personal feedback, you might say things you’d never say in person (37% of kids who go online report they’ve done just that!). This makes it easy to spread untruths and gossip or to talk nasty, because no one sees you. The Internet is a boundary-less environment.

This talk is worse than a verbal rumor; those eventually die out. Kids can cut, paste, print or forward the conversations; consequently, a malicious tale can live on forever. Think of the wound that inflicts on a kid.

Has your child been on the receiving end of mysterious rumors? Does he or she suddenly have friendship troubles? Is he or she moodier than usual? Has he or she stopped hanging out with certain people? Check to see if the Web is the culprit.

Don’t be naïve. The Internet is here to stay. Eighty-seven percent of those between the ages of 12 and 17 are online.

So, parents, this is a heads-up. Does your child use instant messaging? Has he or she been the target of, or engaged in, online bullying? If your kids don’t know how to respond when spiteful chat and rumors start, they may do lifelong damage to someone – or get deeply hurt themselves.

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Don't Bailout on Your Family Because of the Tough Economy

Hopeful Family Solutions in Tough Economic Times

A Message from Father Steven Boes, Boys Town National Executive Director.

As our current economic crisis puts a strain on more families, it may be time for a Parenting Stimulus Package to keep our homes a nurturing place for our children.

At Boys Town programs across the country, we know raising children is not easy even in times of prosperity. Families are struggling and those who are near the edge of despair are being put over the edge.

There is hopeful news for families. There are free or low cost, simple ways to make life easier and improve your relationship with your children.

First, reassure your children things will work out even when money problems lead to parental disagreements. I am blessed to have grown up in a rural community. That didn’t mean we had an easy life and that my mom and dad didn’t fight. We sometimes heard heated exchanges, but my parents always were reassuring. They made it a point to explain adults sometimes disagree. They then gave each other a kiss in front of us, telling us they loved each other and us. Let your children know that families who love each other and are willing to work things out can overcome any problem.

My family’s example is exactly what Father Flanagan spoke of: “There are no bad boys -- Only bad environment, bad training and bad example. Just like my folks, Boys Town tries to reassure its children by showing good example, providing good environments and good training. You, as parents, can do that, too.

Something we find key to helping Boys Town children is training them to make good decisions. In our Common Sense Parenting® classes and book, we have a process called SODAS – Situation, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages and Solution – that works in any family.

For example, money may be tight, and the children want to buy expensive video games. Parenting with SODAS will present children with the Situation of what resources are available for recreation, food and clothes. The next step is to help them go through the Options of how to use those resources. You can teach your children to weigh the Advantages and Disadvantages of the Options. It will help them arrive at a reasonable Solution like renting a DVD, popping popcorn and enjoying an activity as a family. This solution will not only be less expensive, but will promote family togetherness – which is what children really want.

SODAS can be applied to almost any problem. It also will create a bond between you and your children and reduce problem behaviors because your children are part of the solution.

My final message is for families running out of options. Everyone needs help. Parents, no matter how tough it is, never give up on your children. However, if you are so tired and stressed you are about to give up; it is time to ask for help.

Connect with a friend, family member, church or school group to get help. You also can reach out to Boys Town. Our Boys Town National Hotline for parents and children is free. You can call 1.800.448.3000 any time and find a calm voice, problem-solving advice and a connection to resources in your community.

If we take a healthy body, mind and spirit approach as a family, we can weather this and any other crisis.

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